I think this could be the difficult time in life, i never felt so miserable in life. Having no faith in life, unable to figure out my purpose of living, the future looks dim. I gave up my lavish lifestyle and jus want to be myself, apparently it is so tough. I approached an old firend to chat and i believed that she is no longer here for me anymore.
Everything I am facing at this point of time is quite a big blow for me. No matter how I tell myself to calm down and stop dwelling about it, makes me look so stupid to smile everyday & thinks that nothing is wrong wit my life or consistently tell myself "Is okie, God will help you".
I dislike myself, my life, my relationship and family. You know why? I find myself very foolish to do so many thing yet nobody sees it. Apparently, people thought that whatever things I have done or said is bad, dumb & stupid. People also like to hear the opposite stuff I said, most of the time what I said is true. I tried making my life live as fulliest and happier as I can, everything seem so different from what I plan and think. Am I the dumb one because I am going to be convinced that I am!! Because I am the one who cares about things, looking like a FOOL. I am serious that I am not whinning.
My family treats me like a STRANGER, except for my dad cos he is busy working. But have you guys thought of the future ahead, only knows how to talk & talk without brain. My boyfriend likes to enjoy his own life and leaves everything to the very last minute to do. I think he should ask himself a very simple question, wht have you achieve in life for you to enjoy so much in life?
Why cannot you guys be more responsible for your own life, not for me but yourselves? Think of doing something great and good and start doing it, stop all your planning!! Start doing!! I can plan and plan to be a lawyer too, keep planning and do nothing! Life doesnt work like tht. Age is not a matter, I was matured to behave as an adult when I was 15!! I doubt some adults are sure of who they are as compared to me.
It is going to be about myself, my rules & me!! I knew & know what I want in life, clearer than anyone! I never dream, and work hard and harder for it. I dont want anything to screw up, I want people who are organised and determined to surround. I cannot stand stupid, ignorant, arrogant and self-centered people in my life anymore. I have no much time to waste on you people. I cannot give up now cos I given too much and hence I need to more on.
I am afraid that my grade will not be good enough to go UK.
I am afraid that I cannot leave Singapore.
I am afraid that I cannot manage life anyone.
I am afraid that God is not here for me at this point of time.
I am afraid that I will break down any moment.
I am afraid to be so afraid.
I am afraid that life is fooling me.
I am afraid of being me.
I am afraid of the future.
I am afraid to give up now.
I am afraid that I meeting my weakest point of my life now.
I am afraid that I have to love only myself now.
I am afraid to lose anything good in my life.
I am afraid to be the last, so sorry that I am going to be the best.
I am afraid that I cannot allow all this bad thing to happen.
My fear will be overcome cos I am awared of all and do everything to prevent it. Today, I could tell who are sincere to me in life and i am very grateful to them. I met 2 girl who is very amazing and dear to me last year and my fei fei who I have neglected her for some time. Thanks for talking to me and maybe, it is fated for me to face so much test in life. So I will face it all myself if no one is facing wit me and leave this place!
I love this song because it sounded alot like me, as though it is singing to me ad telling me I am too right about life. It is called Sophia's Wish and too similiar like Sandral's Wish. Let me translate the song to English, might not be good so please bear wit it.
Bid Here and Take Care!!
蘇菲亞的願望
(Listen to the full song - http://www.imeem.com/bluebery/music/R3gSgG4L/js-sophia-de-yuan-wang)
Sophia left her family to search for an unachievable dream.
Bidded from her lovig parents and the familiar villiage.
Sophia is not a speaker and has a very different concept about the world.
Noone could really understand her and perhaps she might find her use in that dream city of hers.
Forgive her, as she has only a wish like every other kids. It is really that hard?
How much more does she needs to sacrifice to fufil her wish?
In this jorney, has only a wish with her in the baggage.
Perhaps she is struggling or frightened throughout the journey.
It does not really matter much to her because the next step could be heaven.
There is no stars in this gleaming city, and out of sudden her tears drop.
The world is too small compared to her deam, maybe the doctrine of life is a cruel joke.
Sophia cut away her long hair, powdered and recovered her purity.
She kept convincing herself that is her, although she cannot even recognise her own herself. After all, her situation is still not so bad.
They told her that in process of fulfilling your dream is bound to lose some of yourself.
She questioned herself in front of the mirror and asked whether is this really what she is asking for.
Try to comfort her as you probably have faced or facing the similiar problem before
In this jorney, has only a wish with her in the baggage.
Perhaps she is struggling or frightened throughout the journey.
It does not really matter much to her because the next step could be heaven.
There is no stars in this gleaming city, and out of sudden her tears drop.
The doctine of life is never a joke.
Be it whether the world is small or dream is big, she is the still the same old her.
