I managed to have an early Friday night (a glass of wine, 3 pints of beer) & home sweet home before 12. At Kerstin's surprise Birthday party, organised by her Mister, Samuel - really sweet couple. Worth envy for so this is something that I am in the mist of sorting out too.
My brain does not function like a normal human being, 'one thing at a time' is a luxury for me. Sometimes I blame the law studies which seems to sharpen my thoughts and that mindmap widen too, but I guess I have only myself to blame for.
I guess I am ready to come back to be myself, with ONE COMPLAIN! I have to do something about the background colour of this blog, is killing my eyes. I am too busy making all the important changes in my life now, this has to wait. Please bear with me & it.
Coming to a conclusion to quit my job wasnt the toughest decision I made in this aspect of my life, thinking what to do next was. I was plain lucky; born with great luck - someone who gets opportunites coming towards her and people assisting me out. Too lucky, there are times that I thought I could ask for the world too. But of all the things I have, I am cursed with the disability of 2 type of love I need.
I met someone that gave me a earthquake, I guess (only guessing) that the possibly of that happening is once in a thousand years. A two days memories seem to be a lifetime of work, the art of fate never fails to surprise me. He is the best birthday present I recieved 4 days before my 24th birthday, but at the moment I was thinking that perhaps the worst too.
Having the need to miss him, wishing I could turn back time because my life without him seems a lil lifeless. I am contended with what I have, I have so much more than anybody could have at my age, truly am. He / Love is something I cant have, maybe not at the moment. THEREFORE, I have to live a life being happy missing the foundation of happiness, L.O.V.E. The positive side is that I have the ability to give more and greater love to people, strangers & enemies.
Love is a ruthless game unless you play it good & right. I never saw you coming thru the hand of fate, you are my achilles heel. This is the poem for you, written a couple of day ago...
Only with my heart, I steal you; and only with my heart, I will hug you
Even though my heart cries like it has been torn apart, as it yearns for you
I wont be able to forget, so I will be the only one who remember us
I wont forget you so you can smile and smile brightly, because Im truly grateful for those memories with you
I can hide them and take them out when I am missing you, and I'll be smiling this right now.
As time passes and love grows, there will be times when I resent you. Dont worry about it, because I will remember the days when you hug me affectionately.
Only with my heart, I will want you; and only with my heart I will kiss you.
Dont feel sorry! Whether you love me or not, I know I will feel the same way as this is my life to love you dearly.
I doubt I am ever suitable for love now; despite of me having inborn talents of romantic, creative and bla, I never quite see myself being a good lover. Joy was very helpful in analysising my issues in this department, I am still thinking about it. Whatever it is, I asked God to stop bringing me the wrong guy (right guy, right atmosphere but wrong timing) because I seriously do not need the trouble of feeling for someone and then putting myself in a state of limbo. I can wait, I have too many other things to deal with for now.
Just rejected a booty call from this guy whom I used to had a crush with, nice person but I was never in his list of priority. I giggled reading back a question he asked me..
AL: How do you go from 50 shades of grey to no random sex?
Me: Afterall you still dont know me at all, I am going from no random sex to 50 shades of grey. It is an erotic book BUT a romance itself, the only reason why I always want and need my very own Mr Grey.
I can afford to wait, a holy virgin for now.. not Holey, holly nor horny! So whilst trying to adapt to my new career, I planned to forget about you within this 6 months. Missing you is too painful for me, I wished you had say something to me to make it easier and quicker to help me out. I am cool for now, we all know I am strong enough for this, and if I cant forget you by this deadline - I have a lifetime to do so..
人无法决定会为谁动心 (We cannot choose who our hearts beat for)
但至少可以决定放不放弃 (But we could decide to give up on this yearning)
我承认我 还是会爱着你 (Admittedly, I will still love you)
但我将永不再触碰这记忆 (With the promise to myself that I will not hold onto the memories)
记得要忘记, 我提醒自己 (I will constantly reminding myself to forget about you)
毕竟只是很偶然的那种相遇 (Afterall, it will be a very rare occurance that we will bump onto each other again)
你已经是人海中的一个背影 (You should already have walked away)
长长时光我应该要有新的回忆 (Someday, I will have new memories)
不会不容易, 我有一辈子足够用来忘记 (As for now, it will not be that difficult because I have a lifetime to forget you)
Im going to prepare myself for Dragon Boating. Seeing my favourite ladies (probably the first batch of girlfriends I have in life) tomorrow for Thahira's wedding. I am so happy for her, and blessed her with her new chapter of life.
Need to dealt with Hanoi/China trip in Feb & Boracay trip in April tonight.. Excited to meet Ms Josette (the rare Long Island girl) to go Halong bay together! Have to reply Sean aka the crazy Korean's email. Have to do something to my pimples, dont want to be accused of depression during Chinese New Year.
Adious for now!
