A little

I am exhausted and no longer interested with why God sent us down to experience hardship. It is not gurantee that we can meet him after life, so why am I trying so hard to please God, everyone around me & myself? I desiped to look like a joker because I believed in God that he did not make me as one. Yet again, it is very difficult to convince myself that. I hope and pray he will put all this to an end.

Perhaps, I am his special child but I unable to take this pain anymore. Now I not sure am I still fit to be called your child, sinned too much that I cannot forgive myself in this lifetime. It is time that I should stop asking for forgiveness. I am not a whinner usually but I cannot help myself not to be one now.

Here I am trying hard to improve myself but nothing seem to work well for me. I lived with agony for 20 years & blowing out very soon. It is painful to live a life like mine, I only have the share of being envious of all good mom & children relationship!! I feel totally cool without one or if I really have one, all I am asking is a normal mum.

My heart was bleeding whilst typing this but no longer will. I tried but you never know at least a little nor you will ever look at me, so now it does not matter. I am not declaring a war, but if you want to be safe what I am suggesting is to leave me alone. I am not that girl who was afraid of you or care that you are my mum. I will do things my ways and that wont include you at all. I wont disowns and I am waiting for you to disown me. Leave no inheritance for me because I wants to owe you the bare minimum.

If the people here who are reading this wants to see me as heartless & cruel, so be it. I no longer bothered, this is the life I am happy with. A life with my dad, my youngest sister & only brother. These are the only kins who I will do everything for them. This song is for myself & I will look back if I am missing myself too much. My plan will still works for myself, I am not giving up to be myself.

I wonder how is Joyce doing in Swizzy, missing those times we talking about cheeky stuffs. Aunty Sue contacted me thru email now!! G8 are very well, we will be meeting for Harry Potter & Bbq soon, I promised. Zach & I made a pact recently which is to date each other one more time before we marry. My Des is very busy with his work and same goes to me after tml.

Apart from the issue at home, I was doing not too bad for the past 3 weeks. I was finding peace sometimes I am able to do so but at times I just cannot. I addicted to Shining Inheritance, Harpers' Island, Safari, Resturant City & Exercising!! My korean is improving bits by bits.

Basically, tht is all but the nusiance thing is still around! I am leaving to Des place soon=)

Watch me fly, Losers!!

감사합니다!

안녕!